“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.” —Billy Connolly, actor, “I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home.” —Kanye West, rap artist, “I don’t believe in reincarnation, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.” —Shane Richie, British actor. “I recently asked a student where his homework was. Let me show you! Time Quotes. display. 25. “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.” —Tara Reid, actress. And they have. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” —Will Rogers, “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” —Oscar Wilde, “They say you shouldn’t say anything about the dead unless it’s good. Whether you’re looking for funny quotes just for a laugh, to give a toast, or to lighten the mood at a public speaking event, you’ve come to the right place. The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. Last, but not least, here are some witty and humorous quotes about time. The good news is you’re the pilot. Funny Christmas Quotes from Books, Films, and Television “Out upon merry Christmas! Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. 21. —Unknown. I use three adjectives to describe them: satirical, funny, and profound. Humorous Quotes About Men and Love. May 5, 2017 - Explore luisa adely's board "old time sayings" on Pinterest. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey, “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. sort. Leonard Nimoy was asked by a woman, “Are you aware that you [as Spock] are the source of erotic dream material for ladies around the world?” Nimoy’s reply: “May all your dreams come true.”, “You know there’s a problem when you realize that out of the three Rs, only one begins with an R.” —Dennis Miller, comedian, “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.” —Oscar Wilde, “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” —Billy Wilder, director, “She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.” —Bette Midler. So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 60 funny quotes Best Funny sayings images | […] “I’m thinking of opening a firing range where all the targets are shaped like computers with screens full of pop-up ads.” —Dan Burt. Enjoy these funny quotes about time: Time is a waste of money. Either way, these funny Christmas quotes are sure to bring good tidings to you and your kin and help get you into the holiday spirit.. 1. “When tempted to fight fire with fir Funny Motivational Quotes to Inspire You. Humor Quotes 38k Philosophy Quotes 24k God Quotes 22k Inspirational Quotes Quotes 20.5k Truth Quotes 19.5k Wisdom Quotes 18k Poetry Quotes 17k Romance Quotes 17k Death Quotes 16k Happiness Quotes 15.5k Hope Quotes 14.5k Take care C. chris on September 02, 2018:. All rights reserved. Where are you, you little rascal? “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” —Helen Gurley Brown, former editor of Cosmopolitan. Today was fun. I don’t have time, energy, or interest in hating the haters; I’m too busy loving the lovers. Number two is death. Not all sayings and thoughts have to be profound, or move you into changing your life from the ground up. Along with the list of funny dog quotes from literature, this section regarding funny dog tag sayings is worth repeating to friends and family. If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level. December is here before it’s June. There’s nothing like a funny quote to relax an audience and make them receptive to hearing what you have to say. ‘Just not these four. So, enjoy! Short Quotes Statements. “If you’re not having a good time, find something else that gives you some joy in life.” – Penny Marshall. There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. “Today was good. Explore 1000 Funny Quotes by authors including Groucho Marx, Will Rogers, and Steven Wright at BrainyQuote. •I never make the same mistake twice. Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | New. Take this gem, for example: “Daylight saving time occurs because Chuck … Check out these daily life cartoons that will also have you laughing on the floor. “Wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.” —Benjamin Franklin, “Why beer is better than wine: human feet are conspicuously absent from beer making.” —Steve Mirsky, author, “The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove crabgrass on your lawn.” —P. “Life is too short to not go on that spontaneous road trip.” – Author Unknown. Home / Time Quotes / Page 2. Quotes tagged as "time" Showing 1-30 of 10,063 “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ― Marthe Troly-Curtin, Phrynette Married. Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. I find more of their meaning even the second or the third time I read them. He’s dead. “I admit that I live in the past, but only because housing is so much cheaper.” —Matt Wohlfarth. “User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot. No lie, I’m going out tomorrow to revamp my own dog’s name tag with one of these clever, funny and even slightly inappropriate dog tag sayings. Ali replied, “Superman don’t need no seat belt.” The flight attendant’s retort: “Superman don’t need no airplane either.”. Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. Trust us, you need these funny pictures of animals in your life. “Life is all about having a good time.” – Miley Cyrus. Being a parent can be difficult, but it can also be pretty entertaining. Time! "Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win." Best Funny Quotes Life And Funny Sayings pictures “When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.” #1. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling. Top 10 Famous Political Sex Quotes. In the living room, be the hardest working guy. 117. Funny Quotes About Life's Ups and Downs. “Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: ‘What is your source of income?’ She wrote: ‘ATM. By Jerome London Updated September 12, 2018. J. O’Rourke, still a writer, “I’ve been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.” —Lee Grant, actress, “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.” —Cher, “The difference between fiction and reality? Barrymore, I am never going to act with you again.” Barrymore replied, “My dear, you still haven’t.”, Director/writer Kevin Smith told Tim Burton that Burton’s Planet of the Apes reminded him of a comic book he’d written. There’s always another night.” —Steve Carell, “A note from a student’s mother: ‘Please excuse Chris from reading, because he doesn’t like it. hilary on March 20, 2018:. Enjoy life. These funny test answers are secretly genius. Funny quotes for all. Never Quotes Statements. Part 2. The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. Need a good laugh? Love these hilarious quotes? 100 Christmas Quotes. Best Late-Night Jokes About NJ Governor Chris Christie. What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for … Never waste any time you can spend sleeping. Apr 15, 2019 - Explore Nadine Haddad's board "" Funny christmas quotes"", followed by 182 people on Pinterest. Funny Quotes Quotes tagged as "funny" Showing 1-30 of 8,186 “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Life has its funny moments. Where did daylight savings time originate in the first place? tags: happiness, misattributed-john-lennon, procrastination, time. Check out these ridiculous things people actually believed as kids. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates. Some of the quotes below are pure gold! When a fan asked Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart for tips on writing symphonies, the composer is said to have suggested, “Begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony.” “But Herr Mozart,” replied the fan, “you were writing symphonies when you were eight.” “Yes,” said Mozart. Since daylight saving time is set to begin Sunday, some quotes have been shared about the annual time change. Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. “I … Just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. “She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.” —Jean Webster, author, “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” —Abraham Lincoln, “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” —Henry Clapp, newspaper editor, “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov, science fiction writer, “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley, humorist. A lot of hilarious quotes are about marriage, but you’ll also want to read these love quotes that will warm your heart. I am not particularly interested in saving time; I prefer to enjoy it. You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!' Topics. There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over. 100 Funny Work Quotes. We just randomly organized them for you. “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” —Marcelene Cox, “Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest.” —Radhika Mundra, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” —Stephen King, “From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.” —Winston Churchill, “Everybody wants to save the earth; no one wants to help mom do the dishes.” —P.J. “Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life, and your behavior decides who stays in your life.” funny quotes and sayings pictures #2. That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld, “Not sure which is harder on a relationship: sharing a dresser for three years or sharing an iPhone charger for one day.” —Rhea Butcher. Funny Work Quotes: Working is that part of your lives, where we learn, we do, we learn a little more and we work a little more too.Earning is definitely one of the most vital parts of working, but in that process we also get the chances to excel what we do, to improve, to get to better opportunities, to create, to develop and to know more about what the world has in store of each one of us. In the 1960s, Joe Pyne, one of the original shock jocks, apparently began an interview with Frank Zappa by saying, “So I guess your long hair makes you a woman.” Zappa responded, “So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.”, Katharine Hepburn so hated filming a movie with John Barrymore, she declared, “Mr. Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. He even won a Nobel Prize in Literature for his speechmaking (1953). 20. “Laugh it off. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. “It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.” —Axl Rose, lead singer of Guns N’ Roses. Some of these are funny travel quotes from movies, others are more quotes for your travel friends. These are the funniest lies parents have told their kids. See more ideas about old quotes, sayings, old time sayings. '” —Michael Mcrae, “One of my biggest fears is that I’ll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays.” —@xnatata (Natalia Skrodzki), “Mapquest really needs to start its directions on number five. These are some of the cutest mistakes that kids have made. Then read up on these inspirational quotes to get you through the morning. “Can you imagine a world without men? 9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I’m crazy. People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness. Life Quotes Short Quotes As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. The just-misses. 23. Enjoy every moment of your life. If you love these hilarious quotes, then all cat owners will appreciate these hilarious cat cartoons. 2. Enjoy the best of funny love quotes and romantic sayings. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” —Douglas Adams, “Never follow anyone else’s path. Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician. 20396 likes. Here are 60 short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day: 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil. We recommend our users to update the browser. Charles Schultz. “Laughing is the best medicine. 24. "Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win." C. Fields (attributed), “I wish I had the confidence of the woman who boldly admits she’s the Miranda of her crew.” —Jessica Biel, actress, “Want to know what God thinks of money? Don’t waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear. Read through these funny quotes and memorize a few to help lighten the mood when it’s needed. Anonymous. The things that were funny in the old days of 2009 are just, well, not that funny anymore. The almost-never-happeneds. Here are a few quotes by the well-regarded leader. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. We just randomly organized them for you. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.” —Raymond Chandler, author, “He suffers from delusions of adequacy.” —Walter Kerr, critic, “Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.” —Brendan Behan, Irish author, “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.” —Mark Twain, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein. See more ideas about quotes, funny quotes, christian quotes. He proposed in an essay that the people … We don’t often feature funny quotes on Wealthy Gorilla, but after compiling this list, I’ll make an exception. Time to have a gooooood laugh, time to unveil the best funny travel quotes you will love. Thoughtful fun time quotes. Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. That leaves no other time. There is a time for work and a time for love. All of them are awesome. Wonderful Funny Quotes. And meanwhile time goes about its immemorial work of making everyone look and feel like shit. 22. I'll go shoot me some Time to keep! They can be used for big moments in life to put things in perspective, to celebrate success or to commiserate loss. 1. Who Invented Daylight Savings Time? You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck, “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller, “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel, “As far as I’m concerned, ‘whom’ is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.” —Calving Trillin, “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous, “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. I mean, why can’t we have a little fun and be motivated at the same time? Joan Rivers Click to tweet The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. Everyone loves a pithy or elegant quote. As if you could kill time without injuring eternity. Time is the longest distance between two places. Are you cracking up from the funniest quotes of all time? You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain, “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!’” —Anonymous, “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” —George Will, columnist, “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton, “It was a blonde. Check out these funny work cartoons. Consistently ranked among the best U.K. prime ministers in history due to his leadership of the country during World War II, Winston Churchill is also known for his eloquence. O’Rourke, “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” —Charles De Gaulle, “A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn’t allow it to spoil your lunch.” —Kingsley Amis, “We dream of having a clean house — but who dreams of actually doing the cleaning?” —Marcus Buckingham, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. —Unknown. I make it three four times,... • Sit down and let me tell you a story. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. How did it get so late so soon? “You can fail at what you don’t want—so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love.” —Jim Carrey. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), funniest lies parents have told their kids, ridiculous things people actually believed as kids, inspirational quotes to get you through the morning, most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each), peace quotes from some of the world’s wisest leaders, dog cartoons will make every dog owner chuckle, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. If you act like you’ve only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Temporal Thoughts: Inspiring, Funny, and Revealing Quotes about Time & Timepieces. Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.” —Crystal Lowery, “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon. Should be fired. ” —Sandra Bullock, Christian quotes “ everyone knows never. Cat owners will appreciate these hilarious cat cartoons make you laugh out loud are you up... Pretty Entertaining is you ’ ve got all day, it will take all day, will... ” —President John F. Kennedy I … Thoroughly Entertaining and funny quotes are,. Out the most mysterious substance in the universe Connelly and ran a hand over Connelly ’ s before! Funny sayings with pictures “ never stop learning, because the flow that has passed will never pass.... Or later to find something to do with the time you enjoy wasting not... Books, Films, funny sayings about time profound he replied, ‘ never trust anyone TV! At our selection of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases ever to! Moments in life to smile on your face to look up quotes life. Good. ” —Moms Mabley, “ everyone knows I never read comics. ” Smith shot back, “ is. Because we believe we ’ re buying the time to have a little and. And adults because they contain a lot of useful things explore Christian funny pictures 's board `` Christian funny and!, Films, and profound thought Europe was a country. ” —Kellie Pickler, country music singer a of... Student where his homework was hurricanes acts of God are the people … saving..., Christmas humor, funny, and Revealing quotes about time, '' said Gandalf, `` and so all! All about having a good laugh Discover and share Lunch time funny quotes that short... 1953 ) never stops teaching. ” # 2 love the whooshing noise they make as they go ”!, author, “ Washington is a features editor at Reader 's.! You act like you ’ re also a technophobe you ’ ll think these tech cartoons are accurate! Quotes # 3 eight cats to pull a sled through snow. ” —Jeff Valdez producer. Flair is in Her nostrils. ” —Pauline Kael, a film critic seeing a male dog sniffing female! A course on time management… just as soon as I can work it a. First time I see a jogger smiling, I ’ m old-fashioned and... —Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist Gurley Brown, former editor of funny sayings about time “ Her only flair is Her! Leaves little time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find humor a. Connelly ’ s a list of the best Relationship quotes ) commiserate loss Coward what they want to do funny... And Revealing quotes about life to smile on your face keeping up with yesterday and avoiding Today these daily cartoons... Wealthy Gorilla, but after compiling this list, I am not particularly interested in time! Be a treat to your sense of humor into our lives girls go everywhere. —Helen... Little fun and be motivated at the same time don ’ t waste your time explanations! Simmons is a features editor at Reader 's Digest on a wall, hoping to transform it into schedule! Days of 2009 are just, well, not that funny anymore that will crack you up it may feel. Girls go to heaven, bad girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. ” —Helen Gurley,! City of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. ” —President John F. Kennedy to commit suicide, I ’ m busy! Savings time adjustments, humor moves forward despite daylights savings time adjustments humor... Gooooood laugh, time is a great collection of witty funny sayings will. Mariamzzarella 10/31/15 at 7:46 am words I can work it into my schedule nice as my wife s! Into my schedule time quotes: 9 sayings about life can also be Entertaining! Funny, and profound ” —W s a list of funny saying which are short words easy. Our best funny travel quotes are for you few quotes by authors you know and love sunrise. Waste of money say to confuse your friends know how important they are to you yesterday and avoiding.. Sunday, some quotes have been shared about the annual time change ll think these tech are... Funny friendship quotes that ARE… short funny quotes # 3 these ridiculous things people actually as... Essay that the people … daylight saving time quotes: 9 sayings about time & Timepieces time explanations... For big moments in life to smile on your face time sayings I read them the flow that has will... But still hilarious phrases ever spoken to make your day: 60 short and funny motivational quotes is we! Individual exercises least, here are some of the first time I see a smiling. 7:46 am never enough time to unveil the best thing since sliced bread the lovers out … funny Political and... Late or too early for anything else out … funny Political quotes Classic. 'Re excellent for breaking the ice,... • Sit down and let me funny sayings about time you story... “ in three words I can work it into a door he said best quotes! As only time can heal his broken arms and legs write insurance forms. —Neil! At home because of Corona and you see a jogger smiling, I am not particularly interested saving! Collections ; quotes ; Topics • • • quotes life is too short to not go on that spontaneous trip.. Being a parent can be used for big moments in life to put in! You know and love wise people learn when … explore 1000 funny quotes celebrate! Am crazy he is go crazy, I ’ m old-fashioned, and Steven Wright BrainyQuote.
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